I am a person who focuses on the destination rather than the journey. I find joy in achievement no matter how small. But the path to these achievements has not always been enjoyable to me.
My burning desire from childhood was to lose weight. It was all I wanted. I figured that when I got there, I would be accepted. I told myself that if only I could lose weight, the pain inside of me would be fixed.
It was a beacon in the distance on which I fixed my eyes. But I discovered that this beacon was not bright enough to keep me going. Focussing on the end, with only the hope of getting to this point did not keep me on the path. I now understand that I was running from myself so that I could escape my pain.
I saw my life as a problem to be solved, and weight was loss my identity. But my life was more than my weight and I am much more than someone who has lost a significant amount of weight. The journey had to give me some sort of enjoyment or I would not keep on it. I learned to love myself and to appreciate the journey itself, rather than placing all the value on reaching my goal.
Life is an ongoing process of change. Achievement is not enough to keep us on the path. We need also to enjoy the journey and have positive experiences along the way. That is not to say that it has been a bed of roses for me. It was far from it. But the positives far outweighed the negatives and it is this that kept me going.
My journey to health has taught me much. In the end, my weight loss was a by-product of personal growth. The ups and downs taught me resilience. Rejection in spite my efforts to lose weight taught me about myself. My search to understand my pain taught me about the human condition. I was not the only one living with emotional and psychological pain. Whatever size I was, I would need wisdom to navigate through relationships.
Understanding people helped me cope with the changes in my relationships when I had lost weight. Understanding myself helped me change the way I related to my body as a whole.
My journey taught me to enjoy the moment. Close friendships were formed, and these gave me the security to accept myself. Walking not only contributed to weight loss, it was a way of connecting with nature and knowing myself. Cooking healthy meals for myself became a way of life and sharing these new experiences gave me enjoyment.
I learned that I would need love wherever I was in my life. Love can only be experienced in authenticity and is a moment to moment experience. I have never lost the deep sense of love I experienced as I worked through my pain. It was this love that mattered, not the completion of my journey or reaching the goal. In fact, my experience of love through it all was and still is the best part of my life.
Life is a continual process of change and becoming fully who we are never ends. Learning to let go of my expectations, people and things surrounding me gave me freedom and hope. Embracing change gives hope.
I encourage you to embrace the change. Rather than looking to the future for some distant hope, enjoy the journey, accept the pain that comes your way and choose to let it go after it
has done its work in you. More than anything, embrace love and share it freely.